.. Confession Time ..
I am happy.
Like, the happy, happy kind of happy .. that happy emoji kind of happy ..
.. but this happiness is causing me a bloggers block! haha! I feel so sorry for my now very dull site and for all you 400k readers .. but know that I am doing ok, I've just been bitten by the happy bug.
Truth is, for the past month, my hyperactive mind has been acting all whacko on me. I've probably drafted around 5 posts but halfway through it, I stop and just delete it because I'm not feeling it anymore! See that whacko! Haha. Like this one Im writing now, this could be another one of those drafts that could end up in the recycle bin .. or not? We'll see :)
I was deeply affected by a break-up 3 years ago. That relationship at that time, was my own little happy world and I just revolved around it in a love-struck daze that when it ended, I just went totally off-track. I came to an understanding with myself that letting go and moving on wasn't my expertise and that holding on to whatever is left, if any, of that relationship was my only chance of survival, so I just succumbed to that heart break and allowed it to define my level of happiness since -- which, yes, I realized was too long and too much of my time and energy spent on being miserable. By the time I decided to break out from that zone, it seems like the universe showed me everything that I missed, I was missing and will be missing -- my life .. and brought me back to the most important thing that I lost -- myself .. and to the feeling that I almost completely forgot .. happiness.
I say this because in a long time, now, I know I really am. I say this because I have been through the "kinda happy", the "kunwari happy", the "sakto lang happy", the "ill try to be happy" the "happy-naman-talaga-ako-super-smile-on-the-outside-hagulgol-on-the-inside-happy" days in the past and after life stirred me away from those and led me to my current state of joy now, I am now able to recognize the difference and I find myself humbled by those experiences. It definitely makes me appreciate whatever makes me smile or laugh or day dream or just about anything that makes me feel good. I say this because happiness is meant to be shared and I am spreading the happy bug here y'all!
.. IT IS THE LITTLE THINGS ..
Like Hersheys cookies and cream chocolate for breakfast maybe? Sunshine through my windows or cheerful rainy days even. Hellos, smiles and thank yous from colleagues, patients and random people. Good mornings and good nights. Free lunch. Free dinner too! Haha. A positive remark for hard work. A nice home cooked meal. An impromptu activity with my friends. Good news from my in-love best friend. A good 3G or WIFI connection. Meeting deadlines. Comfortable pillows. Waking up and when you check the time, its only 4:55 AM, back to sleep! Live streaming of my brother's birthday party at home. Extra rice. Thoughts of going home soon. A good conversation. Laughing over the silliest things. Being silly sometimes. Being silly with someone. Bantering with my sisters. That smile from my brother. That "We love you, ingat ka" messages from my mother .. HUGS ..
.. IT IS BEING GRATEFUL ..
Those quotes you read somewhere are all correct .
that, The root of joy is gratefulness.
that, It is gratefulness that makes us happy.
that, Gratitude turns what we have into enough.
that, There is always, always, always something to be grateful for.
.. IT ALL STARTS WITH THE "YOU" ..
I've mentioned this, or something like this, a couple of times already in my previous posts because I am a strong advocate of the "find yourself, know yourself, be yourself, love yourself first" concept because I know what its like to sacrifice your values, beliefs and your whole being for something or someone you think will be worthy of that sacrifice .. I tell you, it will never be worth it no matter how much you give up.
So, I repeat ..
Find yourself, know yourself, be yourself, love yourself first.
You get that "YOU" figured out first and everything else will fall into place.
.. IT COULD PROLLY BE THAT GUY FROM CAMP ..
Remember I mentioned him last time? Well, yes, his presence is still all over my social networking and messaging apps. Consistent that guy! But no, I am not naming him yet, just let him be "that guy from camp" for the meantime. Let's wait until he pulls off another successful surprise (without me trying to spoil and figure it out), then maybe, just maybe he can have a post entirely dedicated to him. NAKS! But then, if he turns out to be an a**hole, then I'd probably go all-Taylor Swift on him and write a song .. err, a post about it to let all you 400k know. Bwahaha!
But seriously, whatever his purpose is in my life .. I am thankful. Whatever our purpose is in each others lives, it just simply amazes me. It and he is giving me a whole new perspective on relationships and that's good because after being on a real-relationship-hiatus for the past 3 years, I am once again, opening myself up and my world to a total stranger who I haven't personally met yet .. but it is unbelievable how, even at our "exclusively whatsapping, wechatting, facebooking" stage (insert smirk here :p), it is working out pretty well and that makes me .. happy. It is an idea that we would both laugh off at a few months back, but here we are, labelling "US" as the "not-yet-boyfriend-not-yet-girlfriend". Crazy nuts! Haha!
.. NO BREAKING THE HAPPY VIBE ..
With me declaring my happiness all out like this, doesn't mean I don't have sad days. I do! Believe me, I have my unexpected "muryot" days, my bad hair days, my waking up on the wrong side of the bed days, my i hate my life days, my shit just happened again days.
During these kind of days, like everyone else, I get disappointed, upset, mad, lonely, irritated and annoyed that sometimes I transform into a she-hulk. But unlike before na tinatambayan ko ng buong araw yung bwisit ko, now, I've learned to always try really hard not to let it eat me up and completely ruin my day. I remind myself that it's not the end of the world yet! Push happy thoughts!
Well, I went through that roller coaster of emotions trying to chase this happy bug but if there's one thing that has kept me really strong all this time .. its my FAITH.
So, whatever days, whatever mood, whatever it may be .. I'd always go back to the basic .. PRAY!
And with that alone, I know ..
.. I am unbreakable!
.. IT IS LOVE ..
the thing that makes the world go happily round and round and round!
need I say more?
HAPPY SUNDAY EVERYONE! SPREAD THE HAPPY BUG TOO. OK? :)
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