.. A LETTER TO THE BOSS

GOD HAS A MESSAGE FOR ME?!

Well, that's what the notification in my Facebook account told me and when I opened it .. here's what is says .. 

                           

Interesting ei? .. and so upon reading it, in a snap -- it instantly got me thinking -- yes. again! just like that and I'm at IT again! haha! Actually, it really didn't have to even ask me to think because I'm so natural at it, it will just happen! hahaha :p (o, well at least I'm confident my brain is working. haha) 

Anyway, Anyway, Anyway .. I may have over-worked my hyperactive mind recently so I decided to do something different this time (*tiiiiiinggggg) -- instead of over-thinking and thinking things over and over and over -- I closed my eyes, tried as hard as I can to clear my head and calm myself .. and just let "thinking" go .. drifted into a peaceful, happy place .. then I prayed ..

Dear God, 

I want to be ready to receive whatever it is that you have in store for me. 

Although honestly, most of the time, it scares me -- maybe that's one reason I think too much -- because I have too many worries. It makes me anxious not knowing what's out there -- especially now, today .. at this point.

Nevertheless, for most of those times I'm scared -- I take a deep breath then imagine my "faith" as a small bubble that slowly becomes big enough to wrap me around and then I exhale .. my big faith bubble is so strong it can't burst .. and for that, I am secure, comforted, protected. 

I have been through one helluva (sorry for the word) roller coaster ride these past 2 years and whenever I feel that it's going down again, I cringe, scared .. because I'm not sure if I'll make it through the ride as gloriously as I did for the past down falls -- but then, amazingly, I always do. However painful, bitter, crazy or heart-breaking it may be -- I still find myself holding on to the bars because I'm ready to get up again and it makes me less scared knowing that there can be another fall but I know I can take it. 

I realized that I may not always get what I asked for but definitely I would always get what I truly need -- what you think I deserve. When at first, my response would always be "WHY?!" (yep, in shouty capitals that is -- but learning from nursing school that a "why" is improper and non-therapeutic) ..  I have now just learned to accept .. sometimes even with a little hint of doubt and frustration but I'd just willingly wrap myself in my faith bubble. I guess its your way of saying, "end of conversation lady, just trust me on this!" and I would -- took a lot of patience and hard work to do it but I did -- because, you do know that your plans for my life are bigger and better than everything that I want.

Oh yes, I can always specifically ask what I want, no limits, no boundaries -- and then I just wait for an answer -- either its a YES (because its what I need and I deserve it) or a NO (because you have something else better for me) or a WAIT (and it will come to me in your own perfect time). 

Now, I don't have the answers to all of my inquiries yet .. and I don't know what surprise you have for me either .. but I know it will be good .. great even! It always is! 

And, again dear God, I pray that you give me enough will, strength, courage and patience to do my part in the fulfillment of your will .. an open mind and heart and an unwavering faith that is ready to receive whatever it is that you have in store for me .. you will just have to let me know when its TIME. 

I will always let my faith be bigger and stronger than my fear, doubts and disappointments. 

Your love is even greater and I am ready when you are. 

AMEN. 

LOVE, 
Gretchen